


White Roses

by peachii_tokkii



Series: There's a Garden in My Lungs [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Drama, Angst and Romance, Bittersweet Ending, Blood, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Cliffhanger, Cliffhangers, Drama & Romance, Falling In Love, Felix seungmin changbin and woojin are barely mentioned oops, Flowers, Gay, Gore, Hanahaki Disease, He may or may not die, Heavy Angst, Im writing a sequel but im lazy and slow so its not up yet, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Insomnia, Jisung has a few plant problems, M/M, Major Illness, Mild Gore, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Roses, Sad Ending, Sick Character, Swearing, Tragic Romance, Unrequited Love, hanahaki, i actually dont know how to tag, not bad though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 22:40:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17816867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachii_tokkii/pseuds/peachii_tokkii
Summary: Jisung had been coughing for a few days, and he assumed it was nothing more than a small cold. But one night while writing lyrics his lungs contracted and he felt a pain climb up his throat, and before he knew it three white petals fell onto his notebook.





	White Roses

Jisung had been coughing for a few days, and he assumed it was nothing more than a small cold. But one night while writing lyrics his lungs contracted and he felt a pain climb up his throat, and before he knew it three white petals fell onto his notebook. He was no fool, and he knew exactly what was happening. While the disease itself was not common, the knowledge of it was, so when he saw the petals a wave of fear crashed over him. 

He was quick to grab the petals and flush them down the toilet so they wouldn't be seen. If anyone were to find out he surely wouldn't be able to debut with the rest of Stray Kids, so he never told anyone.

The first few weeks were fine. Jisung, at most, only coughed up petals two or three times a week. But that was when his love was nothing more than a small crush. As his love for his hyung grew so did the flowers. 

♡

The nine of them had just finished practice for the night and were now preparing to go back to the dorms. Jisung had pains in his chest for a while, but no petals were in sight which gave him some sense of comfort. But that comfort quickly disappeared when he felt an arm drape around his shoulder followed by a clawing pain in his throat. 

"Hi Minho hyung." Despite the pain in his lungs and throat he put on his best smile for the elder. 

"Chan and me are getting ice cream for everyone, what flavor do you want?" 

Jisungs cheeks heated up, and he felt an itch climb up his throat.

"Chocolate." 

Minho took his arm off Jisung and gave his shoulder a pat before whispering a small 'got it' and walking over to Chan. Jisung watched him walk away and he just about started crying at how cute Minho's smile was.

And then that's when he felt it. Jisungs eyes widened as his hand flew over his mouth. It felt like something was ripping and clawing at his throat, trying to climb out. He dropped his bag and sprinted out of the room and to the bathroom, leaving his members with concerned looks. 

Running through the bathroom door and into a stall, coughs burst from his lungs sending white petals spiraling through the air. Jisung was hunched over the toilet bowl letting the petals fall from his mouth and letting tears fall from his eyes. He stayed sitting in the bathroom for roughly twenty minuets coughing out his lungs before he heard the door creak open. 

"Jisung are you in here?" Spoke a worried voice. 

Jisung wiped the tears from his eyes, and stood up. 

"I'm here." His voice sounded much weaker than what he had intended. 

Foot steps clicked against the tile over to the stall he was in. 

"Jisung what happened?" 

Jisung took a deep breath, flushed the petals down the toilet, and slowly opened the stall door. He was met with Seungmin's worried face. 

"Im okay. I think I just ate something weird for lunch." Jisung put on his best 'I'm okay' smile, but Seungmin didn't look convinced. 

"Really, I'm fine." 

Jisung went to the sink to wash his hands, and as looked into the mirror he saw two small petals sitting by the toilet. A sense of panic spread over him. Quickly he dried his hands, and dragged Seungmin out of the bathroom away from the petals. 

"The others already went back to the dorms. Minho took your bag for you." Seungmin commented. 

Jisung felt a petal in his throat, but swallowed it down before any coughs left his mouth. 

'He's just too fucking sweet,' Jisung thought, but an 'okay' was all that he was able to say with the pain in his chest. 

♡

Jisung laid in his bed and stared at the wall beside him. A good night's sleep was something he hadn't had in weeks. Whether that was because of the flowers in his lungs or for some other reason, he didn't really care about. All he knew was that with every second that he was awake his thoughts flooded with a certain boy. 

'If I can just get over him then this will all go away and I'll be able to debut with them all.' 

Jisung told himself this over and over. 

'If I can hide this long enough then it'll go away on its own.'

Or at least that's what he hoped would happen. After laying in bed for a few sleepless hours he heard the room door slowly creek open. He feigned sleep. Small, soft foot steps made their way across the room and stopped next to Jisungs bed. 

"Sungie are you awake?" Minho's voice was quiet as to not wake any other members.

Jisung had heard his question perfectly, but said nothing out of fear of the petals spilling from his lips. He heard Minho let out a small breath before he felt a small poke on his arm.

"Sungie." 

Jisung still didn't say anything, but this time he shifted over in his bed to make enough room for the elder. This seemed to be enough of a response for Minho, because a smile grew on his lips and he slipped under the covers net to Jisung. After getting under the blanket, Minho wrapped his arms around Jisung and pulled him closer. 

"Goodnight Sungie." Minho whispered, nuzzling his head into the crook of Jisungs neck.

Jisung swallowed down a stray petal.

"Goodnight hyungie."

'I don't think I can get over him'

♡

Jisung could tell it was getting worse. The scratching never stops, and the coughs become more painful every single time. At night he could barely sleep because of the ache in his chest. So while the other members slept, he would lay awake on his bed trying to keep the coughs as quiet as possible, and trying to dispose of the petals while not waking anyone else. 

One night, while trying his best to stay quiet, Jisung suddenly felt a shooting pain through his chest. Stabbing through his chest and ripping open his lungs. He felt things clawing their way up his throat and before he could even think about how much noise he was making, his knee slammed against the wall and he fell off his bed. With one hand over his mouth and the other clutching his chest, he ran into the bathroom. On his way he ran into a desk and knocked just about everything off it. 

Jisung stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and trying his best to lock it. His knees gave out beneath his weight and he crashed infront of the toilet. His eyes squeezed shut as his lungs forced out petal after petal. His lungs burned and his throat throbbed. After the petals finally started to stop climbing up his throat, he slowly opened his eyes, and he instantly regretted it. 

The petals, normally a soft white, were covered with a terribly deep red liquid. The water was tinted a pink, and blood was splattered on the shiny white surface of the toilet. Jisung felt his stomach twist and his head started to spin. 

'Blood. There's blood this time.' 

Tears slowly fell from the corners of his eyes as he realized just how bad this disease could be. 

'I'm going to die aren't I?' 

And that was the last thing he could remember thinking before passing out. 

♡

Jisung felt cold hands grab his shoulders and start to shake his body. 

"Hyung! Hyung get- get up!"

His eyes stayed shut for a few seconds before the memories came flooding in. His head snapped up and his eyes looked around the room. He was met with exactly what he didn't want to see. The toilet was filled with petals, and blood was splattered on and around it. 

Jisungs head turned to the person who woke him, his eyes widened. Jeongin had tears streaming down his cheeks, and his entire body was shaking. 

"Hyung you're- why didn't you tell anyone?" Jeongin barely said through his sobs. 

"Because I wouldn't be able to- to debut with you all." Jisung looked down to avoid eye contact.

Before he could say or do anything, Jeongin threw himself into Jisungs arms, and sobbed into his shoulder. Jisung rubbed soothing circles on the youngest back. 

"You'll be okay, right? You- you have to be." Jeongins words barely audible. 

Jisung almost started crying right then and there.

"I hope so." 

The two sat miserably on the floor for what felt like years crying and hugging. They stayed like that until a knock was heard on the door. 

"Who's in here?" Chan's voice was muffled through the door, but the words were still clear enough.

Jeongin let go of Jisung and turned his body to the door. 

"Just me hyung." 

"Hurry up, we have to go to practice in a bit." Chan said before walking away from the door.

Jeongin turned to Jisung and stared at him with sad eyes. 

"I won't tell anyone, hyung, unless- unless you want to." His words were slow and barely audible. 

"I can get through this, don't worry." Jisung put his hand onto Jeongins shoulder. "Go get ready." 

Hesitantly, Jeongin stood up and before walking out gave Jisung one last small smile. As the door clicked closed Jisung sighed and looked at the mess around him. 

'Shit'

♡

The nine were lined up on stage. They had just finished their performance for JYP, and were now waiting for his feedback. They stood under the blinding lights with breaths uneven and heart beating out of their chests. Anxiety coursed through Jisungs body. 

After what felt like hours of painfully silent waiting, JYP finally spoke. It was harsh and rude and his words were like acid being thrown onto each member, but they all stood still and silent. Jisung could barely hear his words over the ringing in his ears, but then something JYP said caught his attention. Jisungs eyes snapped away from the floor and to JYP, hoping that he had misheard it. 

After saying one last thing to the nine of them, JYP had left them to speak with eachother. Immediately after he left all the members crowded around Minho, crying and hugging and trying their best to stay positive. 

'Minho was eliminated. Minho was eliminated. Minho was-'

The words repeated through his mind over and over as he tried his best to smile. Jisung couldn't help the tears from falling, and he felt Jeongin's eyes burning holes through him. 

Jisung felt his lungs screaming at him to just cough already and hack up the petals that were terrorising his body, but he didn't and couldn't because everyone was around him and he had to keep his secret. He let the tears fall and he hugged Minho as he felt things stabbing through his lungs, but he didn't cough.

♡

Shortly after Minho was eliminated, he was forced to move out of the dorms, and not long after so was Felix. Jisung assumed that after Minho left the flowers would eventually fade, but oh how wrong he was. Everynight for hours he would sit in the bathroom coughing his lungs out. 

It was one certain night when Jisung was missing Minho more than ever that it happened. 

Jisung sat alone in his room, trying to keep his coughs as quiet as possible. He held his legs up to his chest and tried his best to sleep, but recently he'd been staying up until ungodly hours because of the flowers in his lungs. 

He felt things poking and scraping along the walls of his throat, but, like always, he tried his best to keep it down. His knees were pushed up to his chest and both hands were placed over his mouth. 

'don't cough don't cough don't cough'

His chest spasmed as he tried to silence another cough. Tears pricked at the edges of his eyes. 

'don't cough don't cough don't cough'

Jisung felt something ripping along the edges of his throat and he could taste blood seeping it's way onto his tongue. He gaged at the metallic taste. 

He grabbed his phone from his bed-side table and checked the time. 4:00am. Everyone should be asleep right now, so he slowly pulled his blanket off and sat up. His feet made contact with the cold floorboards and a shiver went down his spine. Jisung slowly stood up and made his way to the bathroom. 

Silently he closed and locked the door before crouching down in front of the toilet. Seconds later his body was shaking and tears were falling down his face. His coughs, though he tried to be quiet, filled the room. He let out another shaky breath before letting his lungs empty themselves into the toilet. 

His vision blurred and he felt lightheaded from all the coughing. The toilet, as usual, was filled with petals and blood. 

Jisung continued forcing the petals out for around an hour, that is, until he heard the doorknob shake. He stopped coughing and his eyes widened with fear. Panic and anxiety churned in his stomach. 

The doorknob shook again before there was a weak knock.

"Jisung?" Their voice was quiet but laced with worry. 

'fuck'

"Yeah I'm-" His words were cut off when something ripped up through his throat. Coughs erupted into the air. 

"Ji- Jisung? Fuck are you okay?" 

Jisungs eyes squeezed shut and he gritted his teeth as he felt his insides tearing apart. Tears fell down his face and mixed with the blood trailing from his mouth, soaking into the collar of his shirt. 

"Sung, im coming in." They said before he heard the lock click and saw door knob start to turn.

"No- don't come-" 

His pleas were silenced when things started to claw at the walls of his lungs. As he tried to talk again, blood gurgled in the back of his throat and he instinctively leaned forward to cough out the mettalic liquid. Blood and petals splashed to the white bathroom tiles, staining them with a deep red hue. 

The bathroom door flung open as Jisung vomited more and more blood onto the floor. In the doorway stood Hyunjin with a horrified look on his face. 

"Holy shit- Jisung!"

Hyunjin jumped into the floor next to Jisung and rubbed circles onto his back. Crimson liquid stained Hyunjins pants and petals clung to his skin as he sat next to Jisung. 

"J- Ji, what's happening?" Hyunjin choked out. 

Jisungs retching had stopped but the screaming pain in his lungs never went away. He wiped the dripping blood off his face with his sleeve, and slowly met eyes with Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin's eyes were red and puffy as tears rolled down his cheeks, and his hair was messy and matted down from running his bloody hands through his hair. There were bits of crimson splattered onto the sides of his face and his pants were soaked red from where they had been sitting in Jisungs blood. Hyunjin looked like he had went through hell, so Jisung could only imagine what he looked like. 

"Jisung what the hell's happening?" Hyunjin asked trying to sound calm, but his voice shook with fear and worry. 

A choked sob came out of Jisungs mouth and small bits of blood welled up in the corners of his mouth. 

"I think I'm dying." 

♡

"We're telling Chan!" Hyunjin yelled at Jisung. 

"Fuck! Hyunjin stop!" 

Jisung tried to grab Hyunjins arm, but he just shook his grip off. Hyunjin ran out of the bathroom towards Chan's room. 

"Hyunjin can you just listen to me?" 

Hyunjin whipped around to face Jisung. His eyes were puffy and his cheeks had tear stains running down them. His normally handsome face was filled with hurt and anger. 

"Jisung! This isn't something you can just hide from us! For fucks sake, you could die!" Hyunjin's yells resonated through the dorm before a thick silence fell over them. 

A light flicked on in the hallway and the two boys turned to see Woojin and Chan coming out of their room. 

"Hyunjinnie? Sungie?" Woojin asked rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

Panic filled Jisungs mind and his eyes widened.

"Chan hyung! Jisung has something he needs to tell you!" Hyunjin said pointing his hand accusingly at Jisung. 

Chan's vision shifted from Hyunjin to Jisung and he quirked an eyebrow. 

"What'd you need to tell me?" 

Jisung backed up a little before Hyunjin grabbed his wrist and dragged him back forward. 

"N- Its nothing. Hyunjin's just being dramatic again." Jisung stuttered out. 

Hyunjins mouth turned downwards. 

"No!" Hyunjin began. "Jisung has hanah-

Jisung slapped a hand over Hyunjins mouth, but it didn't matter because Chan and Woojin both understood anyways. Chan's eyes widened and he looked at Jisung. 

"Sungie, is that- is that true?" Woojin asked. "Do you have Hanahaki disease?" 

"No! I don't-" 

"He does." 

The four of them turned around to see Jeongin standing in the doorway to his room. He walked forward a few feet.

"I found out a few weeks ago but didn't tell anyone. I- I should have said something before it got this bad. I'm s- sorry." Jeongin started to choke up and tears fell from his eyes.

Jisung didn't know what to do. With wide eyes he looked from each person to the other. 

'What do I do. They weren't supposed to find out! They weren't-'

"Jisung!" 

Jisung snapped out of his thoughts and turned to the person that called him. He was met with Chan standing next to him with his hand on Jisungs shoulder. He hadn't even noticed his hand.

"We're taking you to the hospital." Chan said sternly.

Jisungs eyes widened even more. 

"No!" He yelled and swatted Chan's hand off. "You- You weren't supposed to know, a- and I can... I can handle this by myself. I swear- I can..." 

Jisung broke down with sobs and collapsed to the floor. 

"Please dont- don't kick me out!" Jisung choked out through sobs. 

Everyone become quiet. Chan's eyes widened before softening out. He put a hand onto Jisung back and rubbed small circles. 

"Sungie, we aren't going to kick you out just because of this." Chan said calmingly. 

Jisung sobbed harder.

'But you will when you find out who I like.' 

Woojin walked over next to Jisung and squatted down to hug him. Soon after Hyunjin and Jeongin walked over as well and hugged Jisung. 

His tears just fell harder and his cried got louder.

"Ji, stop crying. We aren't kicking you out." Hyunjin said softly.

"Yeah, we're going to debut as nine, remember?" Jeongin said trying to comfort Jisung, but this only made it worse. 

The memory that they weren't nine right now hurt. Minho and Felix were gone and may not come back. Minho was gone. Minho was-

A burst of coughs cut off everyone's comforts. The members stood up as their eyes widened as blood spilled across the floor. Jisung desperately covered his mouth but the petals and blood just got caught in his throat. His body hunched over and his screams filled the dorm. 

Changbin and Seungmin ran out of their rooms and were horrified to see their member on the floor retching blood. Seungmin was barely in the room before he shot towards the bathroom. 

Jisungs screams caught in his throat as more flower petals spilled to the ground. His heart beat sped up as he felt flowers ripping through his flesh and tearing open his throat. Blood splashed to the floor and petals flew through the air. Jisung felt something bulging in his chest, clawing and twisting up his esophagus. His mind could barely register what was happening, but after he heard his members screams he saw what had horrified them so much. 

Entire flowers sat on the floor. White roses so innocently gleamed in a puddle of blood. Their stems covered in bloodied thorns and, as much as Jisung hated it, he could see tiny shreds of his own flesh on the roses. 

His face contorted into one of terror before screams shot through the air like gun shots. Jisungs stomach mangled into a knot. 

Before he could even think anything more petals fell from his lips, this time accompanied by whole flowers as well. Blood pooled around him and he felt his head spin. His vision blurred with black spots. 

Jisung hadn't noticed before but Chan was by his side yelled something at the other members. His eyes traced around the room as he tried to figure out what was happening. 

Chan, Woojin, and Hyunjin were kneeling around him trying to tell him something, but he couldn't hear a thing over the ringing in his ears. Jeongin stood horrified not knowing what to do in the corner of the room, Changbin was yelling into a phone about god knows what, and Seungmin was still in the bathroom emptying his stomach of whatever he had eaten earlier. 

Jisung still sat on the floor of the dorm, covered in blood and petals, trying to stop coughing. His vision, though it was already blurred with tears, was getting darker by the second. Black spots crowded most of what he could see and his eye lids just felt so so heavy. 

Jisung felt Chan Shaking his shoulder, yelling something at him that he couldn't hear. Jisung turned slowly to look at Chan. Their eyes met for a split second before Jisung fell onto his side. 

Blood caught in his throat and his tears crashed down his face. His head fell to the side and suddenly he saw a familiar mop of brown hair rushing towards him. 

"Jisung! Jisungie, get up! Please! You can't- you can't die!" 

Hands gripped onto his arms and shook his body, trying desperately to get some kind of response from Jisung. He heard such a familiar voice calling his name over and over asking him to please please please wake up, but Jisung just felt so sleepy. 

Jisungs slowly looked up and he was met with his favorite pair of brown eyes. With all the energy left in his body, he opened his mouth to speak one last time. 

"I love you... Minho hyung."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm working on the sequel due to popular demand sjskaja it'll be out soon, so look out for that!


End file.
